你笑着说
他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安
那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说
我们不是你和我
是我想太多
你总这样说但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
他霸占了你的心中属于我的角落
所以你说我们不是你和我
是我想太多你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
我想我没有错怪了什么
虽然你不说或许错在我
太晚我才懂爱了你太多
是我想太多你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

男人歌 session soon! =)

Let past be pass, live the life we had now. Do the things I always wants to do! Jiayou!
从零开始。

All the best ya?! =)

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe...

Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free, I could feel the sun.
Your every wish
Will be done.

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with?
Tell me why
I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze if only
Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now?
Your every wish will be done

There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel
The things you never show?

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why
I cannot be there where you are

There's something missing in my heart

Recently there's a lot of things kept happening around.

During Chinese New Year, Mid-period, and after that.

Some concerning about my problems and 1 is about my grandma.

Some things are really saddening and I don't want to think of.

But, it just kept popping out in my mind.

The images are random.

And I am really hurt.
Perhaps all these? ...

And some things are meant to be said.

Not to be avoided.

Perhaps its me thinking too much?

Or perhaps not.

Did I do something wrong? Or said something bad?

I don't know.

I can no longer take this if I don't settle things quick.

Grandma has been hospitalize due to infection at her kidney.

She just had operation in the evening today.

The doctor said that it may be an major operation for her to take it.

As for normal person, it will be an easy operation.

Due to her age and health, so its consider a major operation.

There were 2 possibilities that the doctor said.

1: may not survive the operation

2: if continue to take medicine, the same thing will occurred to her again.

So the doctor told us to make a decision.

Everybody was so worried there.

She have 6 children and 2 grandchild at the hospital with her.

Tears rolling down from each of them.

Praying that she will be al-right.

After the operation, she was transferred to Intensive Care Unit.

The ICU doctor says, she may need to take dialysis again.

On her age now, how can she take it?

Already 70 plus year old le, still need to take dialysis.

These past few weeks, it isn't normal for me and my family members.

If we were to realise it earlier, all these may not have happen till so bad.

And things aren't the same any more as last time.

Sorry zhen, Im sorry that I causes you so much miserable. The reason is I love her and I cannot let her down till I clarify it out. I can't do that. I'm sorry.

她的輕狂留在 某一節車廂

地下鐵裡的風 比回憶還重

整座城市一直等著我

有一段感情還在漂泊

對她唯一遺憾 是分手那天

我奔騰的眼淚 都停不下來

若那一刻重來 我不哭

讓她知道我可以很好

*我愛她 轟轟烈烈最瘋狂

我的夢 狠狠碎過卻不會忘

曾為她 相信明天就是未來

情節有多壞 都不肯醒來

我愛她 跌跌撞撞到絕望

我的心 深深傷過卻不會忘

我和她 不再屬于這個地方

最初的天堂 最終的荒唐*

如果還有遺憾 又怎麼樣呢

傷了痛了懂了 就能好了嗎

曾經依靠彼此的肩膀

如今各自在人海流浪

我愛她 轟轟烈烈最瘋狂

我的夢 狠狠碎過卻不會忘

逃不開 愛越深越互相傷害

越深的依賴 越多的空白

該怎麼去愛

*我愛她 轟轟烈烈最瘋狂

我的夢 狠狠碎過卻不會忘

曾為她 相信明天就是未來

情節有多壞 都不肯醒來

我愛她 跌跌撞撞到絕望

我的心 深深傷過卻不會忘

我和她 不再屬于這個地方

最初的天堂 最終的荒唐*

如果還有遺憾 是分手那天

我奔騰的眼淚 都停不下來

若那一刻重來 我不哭

讓她知道我可以很好

Happy Chinese New Year!

除夕, had reunion dinner at home (Hougang). We were having steamboat. Six uncle came by too, with his wife and child. After that around 2am, we went to chinatown for a walk and shun bian buy some of the things. As those things was extremely cheap.

初一, went to my 姑婆 house in the afternoon. Omg! There were lobster! (Ba gua) I taste it and it was really nice. Luckily ar, I never tio itchiness. If not very suay sia during CNY. Cousins came by too and chat a little bit because not really close with them. Went off at about 4pm plus. And at around 7pm plus I met my ITE friends to go for Kelvin chalet. We went there 拜年, played blackjack and mahjiong. I won $16 in total. :) Next day morning at around 7am then reached home.

初二, wake up at 11am. Prepare everything and get ready to go 姑婆 house again as some of my relatives meeting at there. After that went to my grandma house liao. I'm the last batched to have my dinner as I waited for my parents to come back and eat together. Around 7pm, I meet heng lee at kitying house downstairs and he droved us to Ms Gina Tan house. We were having Fun! As it been since so long I've seen her. I think 1 thing she never changed was the height. Oops! Had steamboat at her house, I couldn't reject it as her mum already prepared for us already. That time I was quite full too. So I ate again lo, although the food was all vegetarian, it was nice! There were Sotong, goat meat, pig stomach etc... (All flour) During the steamboat session, Ms Gina told us about the incident she had when she's having a degree in Melbourn. Ms Gina Tan: While one day, as I was walking home. There was a rookie came begging $2.50 from me for drugs. That guy said to Ms Gina Tan, if she was willing to give the money, he will gave her a F*CK! Omg! $2.50 for a F*CK?! Ms Gina Tan was so afraid that the rookie will do something to her. So she said: 我不知道！ 我不知道！我不知道！Damn funny sia. We all laughed. After steamboat, we had 捞鱼生。Then after that jiu play blackjack. If lose jiu kana draw with markers at our hand. Went off around 1030pm, went to Concorde hotel to drink. Drink till next day morning then reached home.

初三, went back to grandama house. In the night went to Kenny house to play blackjack till 3am then reached home. Won around $4 dollars. Lose and Win...

初四, No school. Wake up at 8am and went to Malaysia with aunt, aunt husband and sis. Want to buy clothes de, saw 1 T-shirt which was very nice! Unfortunately the person spoiled the T-shirt, as when taking out the shirt from the cover. Scotch tape stick to the T-shirt and when they pulled out, something drop out together with it. Sian lo. No choice, no clothes liao. Jiu go buy sandals. It was nice, black in colour. After that we went to have our lunch at Japanese restaurant. Hmmm! Nice la! Yum Yum! If next time can go again, I wished it would be you.

Tomorrow starting school liao! Sian sia! And Exams coming too..

EveryOne JiaYou!

JunXian.

那一扇车门
关出我们的裂痕
一声就震断了回头的路程

爱无法均分
以后就留给你们
也许用伤害结束爱才更动人

容忍的人其实并不笨
只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温
祝福就给你下一个人

你是好人也是个坏人
对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
这点痛我还能忍

我是好人也是个坏人
分得够狠你才有借口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人

三个人从不对等
总有个人必须牺牲
那永恒就等他带你完成

你是好人也是个坏人
对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
这点痛我还能忍
我是好人也是个坏人
分得够狠你才有借口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人

宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人

On the 23rd of January I had to attend Hui Ying birthday celebration and to go for Primary school gathering. But I never went for the birthday celebration. I'm so sorry, because before huiying send me the message, I already agreed on for the gathering. And some more it was late too.

I met Kit ying and take bus to katong Aston's after that. We took some photos in the bus too..

LoLs.. Kit ying face so round! Like moon! hahaha! Hmm.. I got sun burn.. Sian.. Face so red..

At Aston's I had double up chicken, Hickory and terriyaki. =) It's been long since I last went to Aston's. It's with bii and friends.

We took some pictures there too, but it was in sun yi camera.

Henglee, Sun Yi and I went to the toilet after that. We shared the same toilet. As we are brothers! Haha.. There were people looking at us too while we are outside the toilet, cause we are laughing as if nobody business. After we came out of the toilet, a couple looked at us with strange eyes and kept laughing. Lols.. Damn funny de lahx..

Had a good chat there too. After that we go our separate ways. As sunyi need to go back home early. Henglee go paya lebar for friend bbq. While catherine, chai chin, kit ying and I went to east coast park slack. I actually don't want to go de as I'm feeling tired. But I was worried for them. 3 girls go there, no guy accompany them very dangerous. So I tag along lor..

When we reached there, I and kit ying went to find her brother, as he was working there at the tamiaya shop. Saw her brother girlfriend too and chat with her. After finding her brother, we went to a shelter place to settle down. Catherine and chai chin spray the both of us with the foam thing. I don't know why I was so unhappy about that matter. And I keep asking them to stop but they didn't. I was very pek chek so I and kit ying plan to go play pool. As kit ying wants to learn pool so I teached her. Chai chin called and ask me where am I? I told I'm at sub way, she listen till parkway and give me attitude. Of course I was very unhappy lahx.. And I text her back too.. saying very mad words, as I nowadys keep emoing.. The problem was solved too with some communications.

These days kept feeling emo, don't know why.. Maybe I'm abnormal bahx.. Seeing some other people doing something.. Makes me so emo.. Haiz.. Recently keep listening to 1 song.. The song is "坏人". This song quite nice.. Listen le also feel emo.. Don't know why I kept listen to this song.

As 1 matter is solved and the other matter comes. Headache sia.. Why do unhappy things keep going on? I don't like this.

How I wish that there's a Time machine for me to go back..

There's been something I want to say out to somebody but I just don't know how to start it.

I've been not myself lately. It feels like there is something gone missing. A part of mine have went missing. Its something that always let my heart feels so sour. Its been very long since I had this type of feeling. Maybe there is something wrong with me perhaps. Abnormal! haha!

This time I always kept thinking. On the way home after school, go out with friends etc.. I've been thinking that, do I really know what is love? Maybe I don't know. Its been quite awhile that I have fallen for this special someone I have now! A person that I hope to see her smiles and how's she been doing I'm contented. Sometimes when she is feeling stress, all I want to is cheer her up. But I don't know how to start it. I'm afraid that I will make her even more stress and fed-up. So I will kept quiet or ask other things unrelated to that subject. It seems like, I don't have any more courage of that love thing I have anymore. I'm utterly disappointed in myself. Why couldn't I do such a simple thing like that! Or its just not simple? Maybe to others, it might be simple for you. But to me, its difficult.

Sometimes as I went out with my friends and buddies. I will treat it as there's nothing wrong with me. I will laugh as usual as long I'm with them. No one truly knows me. I just don't know how to start a proper conversation with them. There are some matters I don't want to let them know as they will worry. When worries, they will become stress and can't excel in something. All I can do is keep it inside my inner heart. Seeing them sad, makes me even more sad too. Especially those that I really cares about. I don't really care what happens to me. I want my love ones to stay healthy and fortunate, that is my greatest wish already. =)

Anyway, this coming Saturday I'm going out for huiying birthday celebration and for gathering with my beloved primary school mates! Will be going katong there eat Aston's. Not sure if I will reach on time? If not later kana heng lee point middle finger at me.. LOLs! Joking Joking..

I don't expect anything from you.

I just hope that you will be happy.

Today after school, in train I damn duLan sia.

Got a pregnant lady board the train, got people see till. Still don't want to give up the seats to her.

I'm mad at myself too, why didn't I have the courage to ask other people to stand up and give away the seat?!

Friday was Michael advance birthday.

Jesmond, Derek, Wei Liang, Dominic, Jia Ming and Me celebrated for him.

While on my way to meet them, there was funny and happy things along the way.

1st: When on the way to Mrt, I went to buy Mrt concession, there was a china guy, he wanted to return the standard ticket that he bought. But he don't know how to speak English to that officer, so I helped him. Take him to that machine and help him to refund it. After that he said thanks to me with a big smile. I was like so happy lahx.. =) I did a good deed!

2nd: I went to take the Mrt and meet them at dhoby ghuat. I saw a tissue paper inside the train. I never pick it up of course, then an china uncle came in. He pick up that tissue paper and put it inside his pocket. I was like, shocked lo.. So dirty and he picked it up. Some more used it to clean his handphone. Didn't he noticed how dirty it was?

After that I meet till Michael and friends, they ate pizza hut but I was late. Shit! Michael on the house man! Never mind lahx.. Don't want him to waste so much too. Hard earn money.. So I ate it at home. =)

Michael bought ticket for us to watch at 9.10pm, as it was still too early after their dinner at pizza hut, they went to arcade. I think there is something wrong with Michael and dominic stomach. They immediately went to the gents after that. They took so long lor.. Doing big business.. Haha

3rd: While waiting for the movie to show at 9.10pm, we decided to walk around, went to the arcade at plaza singapura. See people play fight games.. I don't know what that called. I saw a lady liked guy, golden hair, tight fit shirt, skinnies, red high heels and carrying a red handbag! I and Derek immediately noticed it and started to talk about it. The lady liked guy, played the fighting games too, she/he was good! And we watched her/him play. Wa kao! She/he turned back and bio at me.. LOLs! There's eye on his/her back sia! Think he/she like either me or Derek liao.. Oh my 天!

It was 9pm, we decided to go cathay for the movie. On our way there, it seems that Michael wanted to take number from a girl. Grey coloured shirt, long black pants and carrying a black handbag, long hair and hair bands too. They said that the girl was pretty sia. But when I looked at her, she's okay only lahx.. Pretty is liked, see her for a glance is quite nice. But if you looked at her longer, it's not 耐看.

4th: Reached Cathay, at 9.24pm. We are late! The movie already started. We found our seats and settle down. We watched "The spy next door". Michael was sitting beside my right, he was laughing damn loud! And I told Dominic that Michael laughter was unstoppable! He too agreed! And while watching the movie kept saying 3 "WA's"! = Wa kao!, Wa lau!, Wa biang!. LOLs

After the movie, we went to play Lan games. And stayed till there till 3.30am, I took the Night rider bus home. And reached home at 4am.

Happy Birthday Michael!

____________________________________________________________________

As for today, I had a friendly match with SPGG. I was not on form! So sad, I guess I know what's the reason. It's because all I think about was the food! In the end paid $10, and I only ate a little nia. After playing the game, all the people chiong in and take the food, and my partner kian tat, we ate so little. Next time got this stupid event, I might consider first le. Wasted $10 for that little amount of FOOD!

Around 6pm I leaved the place together with Kian Tat as he was going to city hall to have dinner with his girlfriend. I was going to Orchard to meet with Heng Lee, Catherine, Chia Chin, Mao and Bing Siang. They were at takashimaya, G2000. Because Heng wants to buy a blazer. After that, Mao, Heng and bing siang went to bugis to have their dinner. While Catherine, Chai chin and me went to kallang Iman restaurant to have our dinner. I had 2 bomb prata and a cup of teh halia ( ginger tea milk ).

Went to the nearby river to slack with them till 11pm and I headed back home.

Overall today was a quite okay okay day for me bahx. Nothing special, just that one thing special is that I text bii. Already very contented le. =)

____________________________________________________________________

Somethings are not meant the way it is. Don't dwell on it any more. Sorry that I can't.

Now that things are finally coming to an end.

I'm really glad that things have been solved.

Lending my ear to them, saying what they wants to and giving them opinion.

Sometimes, I might even afraid that I will say the wrong things.

So I tend to reconsider what I have to say before actually saying it out.

Some people just thinks that I'm slow.

LOL. I never blame them.

They also didn't even ask me.. haha

Hmm.. I have stop 1 of my bad habit, that is biting my finger nails.

LOLs. Chai chin you must be seeing my post right?

Yup! I have promised you!

You too must mean what you say okay?

Must do it! If not I jiu!!! Erm.. Something bad happen ar.. Haha

You must continue to keep going no matter what happens okay?

As I will be there for you! Everybody too ya?!

Don't give up.

Don't because of a little setback then don't want to continue.

As What I promise you!

Rice mahx.. Make sure you eat it all ar!

Do not left any bit of rice next time when I pass it to you, if not my effort will be gone..

Haha.. Try my fu zhou chao fan bahx!

Wish that bii Flu will be okay!

Then she will be able to go out wth her buddies and lao po again.

Ao-Mi-To-Fo.

So many things to stress!

Life is so unpredictable!

I'm stuck!

Wish that I can go for a holiday.

To somewhere peaceful and there are beautiful scenery.

Wish that I can relax.

But there are so many things I can't just leave it alone.

Friends problem have cause me headache too.

Worry for them next, as for what is going to happen.

How I wish that person never even have existed.

If he doesn't appear, all this matter wouldn't have happened.

And it's now causing my brother so much pain.

What a loser that guy is!

Am I the one?

Or

Am I just the replacement?